As I sit in this coffee shop… (VI)

…I must confess I am really feeling the effects of not having family close-by. The holidays just don’t hit the same when you don’t have anyone besides your mom and brother to celebrate them with. People take for granted time with their extended family without even realizing, which I was definitely guilty of as a kid. But the things I would do to have family in the same state and be able celebrate together…

I don’t want to takeaway from all of my mom’s efforts in trying to make the holidays still feel normal even when we’re spending Thanksgiving and Christmas as just the three of us. She does her best to still make everything feel really special and I am very grateful for that; but it still doesn’t feel right when it’s just the three of us at the table. It’s always just the three of us at the table so it’s hard to feel the magic of the holidays when it feels like a normal day. When our work schedules allow for it, we have the option to travel and spend the holidays with family but not all of us feel like traveling (aka my brother). But I will always choose to travel instead of stay home. Especially now… because I’m always home. Literally always home.

That brings me to my next confession: I am so ready to live in my own place. Yes I could have moved out years ago and overpaid for rent in an apartment I couldn’t paint with appliances I couldn’t upgrade. But instead, I have been paying off my student loans and saving up for a down payment. And I may not be fully financially ready to buy a house but will I ever be? Probably not. So there’s no better time than now.

Again, I really shouldn’t complain because my mom is an angel and I am thankful she still likes me enough to let me live with her. But I am so ready to have my own space. I am over feeling stuck in my bedroom all the time. I want to be able to turn on my record player and hear it from every room in the house. I want to be able to have a couch to fall asleep on after a long day. I want to be able to brew a pot of coffee and enjoy a cup anywhere I want- not just in the confines of my room.

Despite feeling somewhat stuck by living at home, I feel way more content with where I am in life than I did this time last year. Accepting the reality of where I put myself has been a huge part of my growth. I absolutely love where I am on a professional level and I want that same feeling for very aspect of life. I am hopeful that next year I will find myself a nice little house that feels like home (where I can host family for the holidays). And once I have more physical space to grow, I am hopeful that I am able to emotionally, spiritually, and mentally grow. Bring it on, 2023!

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